How often does mom guilt make decisions for me? Probably more than I'd like to admit, but I think I'm getting better. I've been trying to recognize decisions in my life and whether they are based on basic responsibility, God's leading, or good, old-fashioned guilt. Here's some examples:
Box Tops - The times my kids have been in school (like now), their schools ask parents to collect and bring in "box tops." The kids' schools get money from this for computers, equipment, etc. Sounds great, right? For some reason, these darn things cause major guilt for me (not to mention major clutter). I had an envelope that I was keeping them in, but if I didn't get it cut off right away, the package with the box top would just get thrown on my desk. UGH! I made a decision last week, that for now, I'm going to let the parents with less than four children in elementary school (plus three at home) take care of this important fundraiser. PHEW! Much better.
Scrapbooking - I have an aunt (she's not a follower on here, but some of her sisters are) and for some reason, I remember when her oldest daughter, my cousin, graduated from high school, my aunt made this amazing scrapbook for my cousin that chronicled her entire life up to that point. I thought it was so special, and even though I didn't have kids at the time, I made a mental note that this is what a good mom does. Don't get me wrong, she is not just a good mom, she's an amazing mom! I just realized, probably in the last year, that I was holding myself to this standard, but it was pretty much impossible that I was actually going to get 8 (at least) perfect scrapbooks done for my kids when they walk across the stage to get their high school diploma. (Honestly, I should be more concerned with getting those 8 kids across the stage, period.) I had an idea that brought me some much needed chill-pills. I decided to get each child a medium sized plastic tub and put everything that is memorable in it. We'll go through it often and decide what to keep, and maybe what should just have a picture taken, but when they walk across the stage at graduation, they will get a tub of memories (maybe I'll put some cute scrapbook stickers on the outside.) At that point, they can decide what to keep and what their mom was silly to keep for 18 years.
Sports & Activities - This one is a little harder for me. There are SO many things kids can be involved in, and there is so much pressure (real and imagined) to get the little tykes into all the right things. I know one lady who, I think has 2 daughters. She and her husband made a decision not to put the girls in anything, unless the girls specifically asked about it, unprompted by the parents. Hmmm....it really made me think of all the times we've signed the kids up for something, and asked them after we've already decided, "Do you want to try underwater ballet?" (not really) Usually the kids are game for anything we put them in, but it makes for some overall craziness (and admittedly, crankiness) when you're rushing from activity to activity, planning meals that can be consumed in the van. (Don't get me started on the guilt I feel about my disgusting van interior, mainly because of these meals.) Right now, I don't have a solution for this one. I'm really thankful my parents live here and are willing and able to help with so many things, but as we have more kids that will be "activity age" (this could be newborn, depending on who you talk to, but for us, 4 or 5) we will probably have to sit down and evaluate the costs, both financial and familial, for each activity.
You get the idea, right? We get these ideas (and I know, these are mostly silly examples) of things that a good mom should be doing. When you add all these good things together, it can make for some frazzled feelings. It could be how you sort laundry, clean the toilets, put your kids to bed, putting your child in the right preschool...I don't know what brings you a twinge of guilt every time you don't measure up. May I be a voice of reason and ask what I've been asking myself lately, "What's the worse thing that could happen if I don't do this a certain way?" If the answer is "Well, nothing?" then I can rethink the necessity of whatever task is in question. If the answer is, "My child may lose a limb, or be scarred for life," then I should probably do whatever I'm questioning. For the record, I can't think of too many times where that has been the answer. So let's all take a collective sigh of relief....and here are some chill pills. You can take 2 and call me in the morning.
Oh, dear Cara. You are so wise. Children really don't NEED half the things we think they need. I so admire you and your family. Just wish we could see you more often. My big ambition is making an afghan for each grandchild. Ben's was on time. Zach's was 6 months last. Katelyn's nearly a year and Alex's over a year. But, there's an 8th grader, a 7th grader, a 6th grader, a 5th grader and 2 5th graders waiting in the wings. (And, then there's Erik) and I'm not getting any younger. Love.
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